Getting back to the studio… slowly, and that's okay
written on 15 february 2023 and sent as a newsletter
Today I shared a story on my instagram saying ‘looking forward to a day of creating’, but actually I’m not. I want to feel like a day of creating but today I’d rather stay in bed. I’m so tired. The last months of not working on my art and business were filled with renovating the house, physical work and very long hours. Oh and wait, actually moving in.
I loved it, but it also took a bit chunk of my energy and I even injured my hand which is my biggest scare of all time. Not being able to use my hands anymore, no painting, no sketching, no touching. It kept falling asleep when I drew or picked up something slightly heavy and it kept me up at night. It took a few weeks, but it’s pretty much healed now. Still, scared me. Apparently I’m not invincible and I need to take care of myself. Lesson learned.
And then, moving in, taking a few days of rest and then getting back to work again. I mean, it’s been three months (except some teaching in between), I should get back to work. Right? You shouldn’t take that much time off your art and still feel like you need a break. So I went back to the studio. The first day was nice. The second day I was broken so I stayed at home again. Then the weekend. Let’s try again on monday. OK, tired by 13:00, let’s accept it and go home.
It’s been like this for two weeks now and now the beginning of the year freelancing stress begins. Almost every person I know that works for themselves has a stressful start of the year because nothing. Is. Happening. No commissions, no events, no job oppurtunities. Every year I’m bracing myself for the first quarter of the year, but somehow it always gets to me. I get insecure, will I ever work on a project again? Should I email everyone I know?
It always turns out fine. I have to remind myself of that. (And that I’m really good at what I do. Get that confidence back. Where is she?) I like to create beautiful things - I think that’s why I shared that story. To convince myself. Because even if I don’t like the stuff I paint now, I’ll have painted something small everyday that will be the base of a new body of work in a few months. Or maybe it won’t and I’ll still have painted something small every day. Going home by 13:00 to rest on the (beautiful new) couch isn’t that bad. I think most people would be crazy jealous actually. Rest is the best. Let’s rest a bit.
- Roxy